Showing posts with label EyeWitless News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EyeWitless News. Show all posts

Sunday, July 22, 2012

EyeWitless News: James Holmes is an Obama donor

In the spirit of shoddy reporting as exhibited by Brian Ross of ABC News, James Holmes donated money to Barack Obama's presidential campaign in 2008 and 2012.

For 2012, click here.  For 2008, click here.  It does require some scrolling to get through the names list. Thanks to http://www.opensecrets.org/ for maintaining the data.


Note:  No claim is made that "James Holmes" as listed in any database has any connection to any event at any place at any time.  My standards are higher than ABC News.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

EyeWitless News: 65% Believe Obama Better Able to Handle Alien Invasion

Once again, the lamestream media have found yet another way to prop up their savior, Obama.

A survey found that 65% of Americans believe that Obama would "be better suited to handle a theoretical alien invasion than Romney".  Story here.

I am surprised that the vote was not 100%.  I personally believe that Obama would be better at dealing with aliens because he is one.  Well, an illegal alien, but still an alien.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

EyeWitless News: 84-year Old Voter Told She's Dead

On Super Tuesday, 84 year old Maureen McCloskey went to the polls in Falls River, Massachusetts and was told that she was dead and could not vote.  Once Ms. McCloskey informed the poll worker that she was indeed alive, the poll worker allowed her to vote.

Ms. McCloskey disclosed that she is a lifelong Democrat, which explains why the poll worker would give her a ballot without independently verifying that Ms. McCloskey is alive.  Now that Ms. McCloskey has identified as a Democrat,  I predict that Massachusetts election officials will ensure that she continues to be registered to vote, and that she votes early and often, long after she departs the mortal plane.

I also predict that she has been registered to vote in Chicago, Illinois and Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.

CBS story, here.

Monday, April 25, 2011

EyeWitless News: Obama Disses God on Easter; God Fires Back

Our Narcissist-in-Chief, The Won, Barack Hussein Obama, dissed the Almighty on Easter Sunday when he failed to acknowledge the day on which Jesus arose from the dead.  Of course, Non-Muslim Obama has commemorated every Muslim holiday since taking office, as veteran White House reporter Keith Koffler has noted.

The Lord was none too pleased at the slight, and had the following comment at about 8:30 p.m. on Easter Sunday:



 Thanks to Obama Foodorama for the photo.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

EyeWitless News: It Ain't a Crime if You're a Lefty

So much for the "new civility" in political discourse demanded by the left...

An unnamed Connecticut octogenerianette threatened to castrate an unnamed Connecticut politician who favors cutting funding to Planned Parenthood.  The FBI declined to arrest the woman, even though their investigation determined that she intended the castration threat, she was not capable of carrying it out.

The woman had formerly been a volunteer for Planned Parenthood.

Is it fair to surmise that a credible threat of grave bodily harm is not a felony when made by a Moonbat?  Or that there is no crime if the victim is on the Right?

Maybe law enforcement was just prejudging the old bat to be not guilty by reason of insanity. 

Story at NBC here.

Monday, February 21, 2011

EyeWitless News: According to CNN's Candy Crowley, To Love Obama is to Crispify Him

Mentally challenged (or deranged Moonbat, your choice, just semantics) CNN reporter Candy Crowley recently interviewed former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.  Rumsfeld served under President George W. Bush.

During the interview, Crowley repeatedly asked Rumsfeld if he was aware of how much the world loves president Obama and just how much the rest of the world likes America now that Obama is president.  It should be noted here that Crowley was not really asking a question so much as she was seeking validation for her desire to give Obama a mega-hummer.  Rumsfeld repeatedly replied that data does not support the basis of Crowley's questions.  At least as to how much the world now loves Obama and America.

Andrew Malcolm at the Los Angeles Times did come up with the data, in photographic form.  Consider the following evidence that Malcolm found in India:
Or consider the evidence Malcolm found in Barry's adopted home country of Indonesia:

Read about the interview and see Malcolm's other evidence here.

By the way, Barry isn't loved as much at home according to Scott Rasmussen.

And in other news, Senator Lurch, D-MA, was confronted by the ghosts of his VVAW past and insulted a Holocaust denier*.

*How the left treats persons who do not worship at the Church of AlGore, Sobsisters of Gorebal Warming.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

EyeWitless News: Pot-Smoking Toddler Results in Parents' Arrest

In California (surprise!), the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department has arrested the parents of a 23-month-old toddler.  According to the Victorville Daily Press, a tipster turned in a video showing the parents "allowing" the toddler to smoke a marijuana pipe.  The mother is also seven months pregnant.

One can only hope that, in a nanny-state such as California, that these parents will have to be reprogrammed by social services before having any unsupervised time with their children.  Of course, California is so loony-left that the parents may be recruited to teach parenting classes.  Arne Duncan will be calling shortly.

The rehash of the story is at Newsmax.

In other news, a bomb was found along yesterday's Martin Luther King Day parade route here in River City.  The news media is going somewhat bonkers over this, rehashing the last thirty years of history for our neighboring state of Idaho and its alleged racist, antigovernment, Aryan citizens.  I will comment on this bullshit tomorrow.

Monday, January 3, 2011

EyeWitless News: Poll Reveals Majority of Americans Favor Taxing the Rich to Balance the Budget

Idiocy reigns supreme in Amerika.  Sixty-one percent of Amerikans favor taxing the rich in order to balance the federal budget, according to a 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll conducted from November 29 to December 2, 2010.  Only four percent favored cutting Medicare and three percent favored cutting Social Security.  Story at Newsmax's MoneyNews.

I would theorize that the 1,067 adults polled were randomly selected from various nursing homes in Connecticut, Delaware, and Massachusetts, but I would consider the source to be even more suspect.  Any poll commissioned by CBS, the home of "Rathergate", is deserving of a truckload of skepticism.  I have noticed that CBS polls of the Oba-One's approval are the most wildly optimistic of all the polls reported at RealClearPolitics.com.  I think that the 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll is nothing more than a fraud designed to give lily-livered-liberals a shot of courage and reason to believe that the public is in favor of further job-killing progressive taxation.

Which reminds me of an old, humorous explanation of the modern tax system and the class jealousy and warfare that the system has abetted since the social planners unveiled it generations ago.  I had forgotten about it until a friend emailed it to me today.  It goes like this:

THE TAX LAWS EXPLAINED IN BEER DRINKING TERMS

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100...

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7..
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do as fair.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men ? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,"but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our new tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

EyeWitless News: Poopy Package for Principal

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!

Nice to know that the city of Sanford, Florida is solvent enough to send police officers and a hazmat team to investigate a poopy letter mailed to a school principal. The case has been turned over to investigators.  I can only wonder if the crime lab will be able to trace the corn kernels back to the school cafeteria.

Note to self:  Don't eat corn prior to mailing letters to Senator Patty Moron Murray.

Read about the principal's letter here.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Eyewitless News: Halloween Reveler Dressed as Breathalyzer Arrested for DUI

A Halloween reveler in Nebraska was arrested for drunk driving while dressed up as a breathalyzer machine.  The arresting officer's administration of a breath test was probably redundant, as the reading on the costume's "meter" was pretty accurate.  Read the story and see the accompanying photo here.

Monday, September 13, 2010

EyeWitless News: Lawyer Smokes Pages from Koran and Bible

An Australian lawyer smoked pages from both the Koran and the Bible.  Story here.  He reportedly wanted to find out which burns best.  The story doesn't reveal the answer, but I'd bet he found that one of them tasted like an unfiltered camel.

Friday, September 3, 2010

EyeWitless News: Revrun' Jesse meets Karma

Thugs have given Jesse Jackson's ride the same treatment that Ol' Revrun' Jesse has given to racial harmony in this country:  his Cadillac Escalade was stolen and stripped.

Read it here.

Nice to see that God appreciates irony.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

EyeWitless News: Obama to Favor Newly Designed Conventional Weapons over Nukes

The Obama administration has negotiated a new arms reduction treaty with Russia that would reduce America's stockpile of nuclear weapons, and has radically changed the decades-old American policy regarding the use of nuclear weapons.

Obama has pledged that the United States will not defend itself with nuclear weapons when attacked by conventional, biological, or chemical weapons. In changing U.S. policy, Obama has revealed America's latest and perhaps most effective technology in deterring America's enemies from attacking.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is at the forefront of deploying the new technology, which the administration claims will create millions of new jobs as workers across the United States go to work revamping missles, aircraft, and other delivery systems formerly dedicated to carrying nuclear payloads. Gates has even disclosed that significant numbers of the unemployed will be able to work at home assembling the electronic components necessary for the new weapons system.

Gates revealed that the new weapons system will consist of former nuclear warhead delivery systems loaded with mp3 players containing speeches by President Obama, Senator Harry Reid, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and Representative Barney Frank, D-MA. Gates stated that in the event of an imminent attack on the United States, the delivery systems will be used to launch millions of the mp3 players to be dropped over hostile territory.

The administration believes that after listening to the contents of the mp3 players, those planning attacks on the United States will realize that there is nothing left in the United States worth fighting for. Those hostile parties not convinced by the content of the speeches are expected to expire from asphyxiation after rolling around on the ground in convulsive fits of laughter.

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov was quoted as angrily demanding that the United States immediately cease plans for the new weapons system, as cruelty towards a civilian population is banned by the Geneva Convention. Lavrov further responded by threatening to retaliate by sending Backfire bombers loaded with borscht to cover the United States.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton responded to Lavrov's comments by threatening to send former president Jimmy Carter to Moscow to monitor Russian elections.


And that's it for the faux news

Thursday, December 17, 2009

EyeWitless News: Vote for Most Ridiculous Lawsuit of the Year

Wow, it seems like this year has just flown by. We're near the end of 2009, and it's time to vote for Most Ridiculous Lawsuit of the Year 2009.

The Contenders are:

--Woman crashes on curve, sues county, claims 10mph speed limit was inadequate warning.

--Restaurant customer sues after toilet paper rolls fall into his hand from "unreasonably dangerous toilet paper dispenser".

--Illegal immigrants sue rancher who held them at gunpoint on his property and turned them in to Border Patrol.

--Tourist sues New York club after she slips while dancing on top of the bar.

--Woman microwaves hair removal wax, spills it on herself, and sues manufacturer for "placing such dangerous products into the stream of commerce".

--Inmate sues to avoid being named world's most litigious person.

--Double murderer sues to claim his victims classic Chevy pickup.

--Tourist sues hotel, claiming its swimming pool got daughter pregnant.

--Dolphins splash, woman sues.

--Wife kills husband, sues for his pension survivor benefits.

--Neighbor sues woman for smoking in her own home.

--Holocaust denier sues Auschwitz survivor, claiming memoir contains "fantastical tales".

Be sure to vote, here, at Faces of Lawsuit Abuse.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

EyeWitless News: Goodbye Buckets of Beans?

Mad Science? Growing Meat Without Animals

Scientists think that we will be able to grow edible meat in a laboratory.

Just think: Instead of mylar lined buckets of pinto beans as a means of storing protein, we could just grow our own meat in our own home laboratories post-SHTF.

Of course, scientists allude to other uses, such as regrowth of human tissue for replacement. So, if your arm is shot off by some mutant zombie biker, it may be possible to regrow that arm from stem cells and be good as new.

Gotta love those mad scientists!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

EyeWitless News

Is cannibalism in our future?

I read a news article yesterday in which three homeless men in Russia have been arrested for murdering, butchering, eating, and selling the flesh of another man. Ordinarily, I would think that this is only a few wackos with LSD in their bong water. Put it in the perspective of current economic conditions, and it is food for thought. We have anxiety over food shortages, job losses and inability to buy food when it is available, potential and actual homelessness, and the breakdown of both morality and willingness to obey the law.

When the Schumer does hit the fan, just how far will desperate people go to survive? Just how depraved will people be? Read this news article yourself and consider the future:

Body Parts Sold to Kebab Stand, Police Say: Three Russians also suspected of killing man, eating parts themselves.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

EyeWitless News


"Obama the Joker" Artist is a Moonbat!

Turns out that the artist who enhanced the Time magazine cover photo of Comrade Obama, resulting in Obama as the Joker of Batman fame, is a Moonbat! Not just a Moonbat, but a Moonbat's Moonbat!

Chicago resident and Dennis (I've been abducted by aliens) Kucinich supporter Firas Alkhateeb is the artist responsible for the caricature of Obama.

As usual, the riffraff from the left is responsible for the commotion.

Story here, courtesy of Fox News.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

EyeWitless News

Beer Run on Riding Mower Ends in Arrest

Not having a valid driver's license didn't stop Dennis Cretton from making a beer run. Crotton fired up his yellow riding mower and charged off to the local gas station convenience store on a quest for more suds. Problem is, he was too drunk to drive even a riding mower. After neighbors reported Cretton weaving in and out of traffic, police tried to stop him, but Cretton gave chase back to his home. Cretton spilled his half-rack of Milwaukee's Best upon driving his mower up into his front yard, where he was arrested for felony aggravated drunk driving.

Seems the real crime here was spilling the beer. Of course, Cretton's crime would be mitigated by the fact he spilled Milwaukee's Best.

Story here.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

EyeWitless News

PETA Suggests Non-Dairy Michael Jackson

I guess PETA does not stand for People Eating Tasty Animals.

PETA is upset because an exhibitor at the Iowa State Fair plans on making a tribute to the late Michael Jackson in the form of a sculpture made out of butter. There's a joke in there, somewhere, I just know it!

PETA has a problem with the pedophile likeness consisting of an animal-based slippery substance, and suggests that the creator use a non-dairy spread instead.

Those insensitive PETAphiles! How many innocent soybeans will meet an untimely demise for this tacky tribute?

Read it here.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Eyewitless News

I thought that insider trading was already illegal. Apparently not so for our elected officials.

From the Newsmax story:

A 2004 study by Georgia State University showed that U.S. senators got returns on their investments that were about 25 percent higher than what average Americans earned.
The latest congressional disclosure reports this spring showed that lawmakers, including those sitting on the House and Senate committees overseeing the financial bailout, had substantial holdings in the big banks that received rescue funds.
The bill proposed by Democratic Reps. Louise Slaughter of New York and Brian Baird of Washington would require lawmakers and their staff to disclose within 90 days the purchase or sale of stocks, bonds or commodity futures exceeding $1,000, except for transactions in blind trusts or mutual funds.


This answers the question as to how a politician can be middle-class when elected and retire (or be voted out) a millionaire.

And, it explains why stimulus money has gone to rescue the bankrupt financial behemoths rather than to provide help to ordinary Americans who have been victimized by the financial behemoths.