Saturday, September 18, 2010

Retarded Politician of the Week: Lisa Murkowski

Note to Lisa:  The State of Alaska is NOT owned by the Murkowski family.

Retarded Politician of the Week honors go to soon-not-to-be Senator Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska.  The twit thinks that the senate seat her daddy gave to her belongs to her forever and ever and ever.  I was born and raised in Alaska and consider myself to be a real Alaskan, rather than the Cheechakos who moved in later when the state was booming.  Thus, I feel qualified to pass judgment on Ms. Murkowski.

When Lisa's daddy, Frank, was the sitting senator from Alaska, he decided to run for governor.  This was back in 2002.  When Frank was elected governor, his new job included filling the unexpired term of his senate seat.  After looking far and wide across the vast stretches of tundra and mountain ranges, Frank could find only one qualified person among the 600,000 plus residents of Alaska:  his own daughter, Lisa.  People howled at the blatant nepotism, but Frank was generally well-liked at the time and things settled down.

In 2004, the Murkowski name was still somewhat respected in Alaska, and Lisa was elected to a full senate term of her own.

In 2006, the people had figured out what a careerist, cronyist, nepotist politician Frank really was and replaced him in the Republican primary with Sarah Palin, who had run as a reform candidate.  Sarah delivered the reform she promised, going after corrupt politicians and bureaucrats in both parties. 

Fast-forward to 2010.  Nepotist Frank had been taken down by the Palin machine.  Lisa has become a career D.C. politician, out of touch with her constituents.  Charismatic candidate Joe Miller challenges her in the primary, promising reform.  Reformist Sarah backs Joe.  Lisa loses primary.

Lisa does not like being spurned by her subjects.  First she tries to hijack the Libertarian Party by negotiating with the Libertarian candidate to allow her the Libertarian party ballot spot.  She is turned down.

What to do?  What to do?  It appears that the only option left is to conclude that the electorate of her state is a bunch of idiots who have made a terrible mistake in voting for a real conservative instead of dear Lisa.  So she pulls out the Joe Lieberman playbook and decides to run a write-in campaign as an independent.

(Note:  The Republican party should have never helped Joe Lieberman against crazy dipshit Ned Lamont in 2006.  If the Republicans had any prinicples they would have exploited the split in the liberal electorate caused by Lieberman/Lamont to elect a Republican)

Lisa, Princess of Murkowskiland, please pack up your crap and just go home.  The people have spoken, and they don't want you anymore.  Sorry, but this is true.  Don't insult the great people of the great State of Alaska by forcing yourself upon them with your write-in campaign.  Don't insult Republicans and consevatives by helped another Democrat to be elected.  Just keep your chin up and go home.

I know that Princess Lisa will not listen to this.  Instead, feeling that she is the rightful heir to the senate throne her daddy left to her, she will work hard to maintain the divine Murkowski righ to that seat.  When all she accomplishes is to elect a companion for Mark Begich to join the Obama gay circle-jerk with, she will join her father, Frank, in the political and actual wilderness of Alaska.

After reading Princess Lisa's tale, I am sure you will agree that she is divinely qualified to be Retarded Politician of the Week.

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